This post goes out to all the broken hearted soul out there.
I have been getting quite a bit of text messages from different people pouring their feelings out. A very close friend of mine just caught her self in a post break up situation. Another friend caught up in a really complicated relationship. Not close enough to be couples, but a whole lot of trouble lies in the friendship.
Advice?
I really don't know what to say. You might think I am tough because I managed to survived one in the past, but really? When it comes to a broken heart, no words are comforting enough and no arms are as reassuring as the ones that left you behind. The irony in life.
As I was talking to her yesterday, she kept asking me what can she do? How can she move on? How is she ever going to love again? The thing about moving on is that there's really no formulae to that. The first step is to pack up the room, whatever that reminds you of the past will go into a box. Where the box end up, is really up to you. Orphanage, rubbish dump, in your closet. Anywhere as long as you're happy that you don't get reminded of the past.
Then, a relationship is not mostly made of materials. Those memories that come back after haunting you. How are you ever going to sleep? The point is that you'll never get good sleep. I can't even remember how many nights I quickly go to bed before everyone at home is asleep. Why? When you're alone at night in the darkness, that's when the loneliness pounce and try to get the best out of your soul. Even if you can sleep at night, you'll never wake up afresh. I can't remember how many nights I spent sleeping early and never felt afresh in the morning. All that I woke up to is tears and a very heavy chest. This is the phase in life that you dread going to bed. For most people, this is also the time you lose the most weight in your life. I actually lost 4kg in 3 weeks. To look at it in a more positive way, thank the heart breaker for making you hotter. There's really no need to work out to lose those flabs in the tummy, thighs or arms.
The worst damage a break up can do to an individual is taking away all the self esteem. You'll feel as though you're unwanted, dumped and unloved. This is definitely not true. Your mind is so focused on the break up and the one that left, that's why you're feeling that way. In this situation, you'll really learn to see who is left behind by your side. These are then the treasures in life. They might be people you barely talk to, people you avoid having eye contacts with, but with just that "Hey, I heard about the break up. Are you doing fine?" That's what opens up all the locks you have chained your soul with. I know it's not easy opening up to people, but when your soul is so vulnerable and broken, what is there to lose some more?
I have been getting quite a bit of text messages from different people pouring their feelings out. A very close friend of mine just caught her self in a post break up situation. Another friend caught up in a really complicated relationship. Not close enough to be couples, but a whole lot of trouble lies in the friendship.
Advice?
I really don't know what to say. You might think I am tough because I managed to survived one in the past, but really? When it comes to a broken heart, no words are comforting enough and no arms are as reassuring as the ones that left you behind. The irony in life.
As I was talking to her yesterday, she kept asking me what can she do? How can she move on? How is she ever going to love again? The thing about moving on is that there's really no formulae to that. The first step is to pack up the room, whatever that reminds you of the past will go into a box. Where the box end up, is really up to you. Orphanage, rubbish dump, in your closet. Anywhere as long as you're happy that you don't get reminded of the past.
Then, a relationship is not mostly made of materials. Those memories that come back after haunting you. How are you ever going to sleep? The point is that you'll never get good sleep. I can't even remember how many nights I quickly go to bed before everyone at home is asleep. Why? When you're alone at night in the darkness, that's when the loneliness pounce and try to get the best out of your soul. Even if you can sleep at night, you'll never wake up afresh. I can't remember how many nights I spent sleeping early and never felt afresh in the morning. All that I woke up to is tears and a very heavy chest. This is the phase in life that you dread going to bed. For most people, this is also the time you lose the most weight in your life. I actually lost 4kg in 3 weeks. To look at it in a more positive way, thank the heart breaker for making you hotter. There's really no need to work out to lose those flabs in the tummy, thighs or arms.
The worst damage a break up can do to an individual is taking away all the self esteem. You'll feel as though you're unwanted, dumped and unloved. This is definitely not true. Your mind is so focused on the break up and the one that left, that's why you're feeling that way. In this situation, you'll really learn to see who is left behind by your side. These are then the treasures in life. They might be people you barely talk to, people you avoid having eye contacts with, but with just that "Hey, I heard about the break up. Are you doing fine?" That's what opens up all the locks you have chained your soul with. I know it's not easy opening up to people, but when your soul is so vulnerable and broken, what is there to lose some more?
Why did the relationship come to an end? Why didn't it work out? Does it really matter anymore? Especially when they are so stern and left you without any explanation. The thing I learn about whats the reason behind the break up is that there's really no excuse. At 21, a few friends have gone through breaking up and most of the reasons are feelings fade. Why do feelings fade? What was it lacking in the relationship? Maybe it's time to look at it this way, it's not those that left behind that's not good enough, it's when the other half is asking for more. The key point in a relationship is that you're not supposed to try too hard. I am not saying that you shouldn't try, but not too hard. There's a fine line between determination and desperate.
When will I ever be okay? When will I be able to be myself again? This question is one of the hardest one to answer. Everyone is different. Everyone will take a different time to get over all these feelings. The most important point is give yourself sometime off. A good getaway or cleansing is needed before you can really move on. By cleansing I don't mean by washing your body. Cleansing by crying your heart out, talking your heart out, hugging all the people that assure you are okay, and start searching for the person you are before all this trauma happened. Besides time off, remember never to rush yourself. Never try too hard too. When it happens it happens. Sometimes you actually move on before you even know. I moved on and I didn't know that until a friend told me. That's when you think you can start being on your own.
All my effort for the past years have gone to a waste. I just wasted all my time. Dear, no time is considered wasted if you enjoyed the times. You might think all your effort is gone, but hey, without this person you'll never learn. You'll never know what you can't tolerate in your future partner. You'll never know what's the most important thing you look for in the one. So don't take it as a waste of life, take it as a learning process.
Remember, after the rain comes the rainbow :) Sooner or later you'll see the good in the goodbye just like me.
Lots of love,
Ann.
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